Une fois qu'on a appris au client à se mettre dans son Centre, c'est lui-même qui gère la relation avec sa famille intérieure, le thérapeute se retire du jeu assez vite et le client devient autonome...vers un soi intégré..
Pour pouvoir rester "très souvent" dans son centre, il faut avoir guéri les personnalités blessées, sinon elles prennent très souvent le dessus... mais souvent, avant de pouvoir guérir la personnalité blessée, il faut l'accord d'une autre personnalité qui est le protecteur de la personnalité blessée, sinon on n'y pas accès..
Tiens moi je commence à comprendre pourquoi il y a beaucoup de personnes dissociées que je rencontre de façon intime et qui ont eu un trauma dans l'enfance... comment c'est possible tout cet assemblage de cause et d'effet, pour arriver à ça aujourd'hui, comme si il y avait des tas d'aides invisibles pour agencer cette scène de théâtre qu'est la vie...
Bon ceci dit cette approche IFS cela sert à tout le monde puisque apprendre à contacter son centre, c'est chouette, on se sent bien et c'est initiatique en plus... que chercher d'autre ?
Bon ben maintenant c'est moi qui est besoin d'un thérapeute car je suis cre-vé (lol), j'ai bossé comme un taré ces derniers temps, je sais pas pourquoi, comme si j'étais poussé là haut pour arriver assez vite à toutes ces conclusions/avancées et trouver ça... mais ils sont barrés là haut !! remarque c'est vrai sans ce coup d'accélérateur cela aurait pu trainer sur plusieurs années, là au moins en 2 mois y a eu du taff de réglé !
Vais prendre quelques congés du blog moi !! Y a plus qu'à se former à IFS tranquilou.. de toute façon c'est plein de choses déjà vu ailleurs, sauf mieux intégré, et avec le travail sur les protecteurs, etc..
Je dissocie en anglais ;-)
"We all know about those luminous moments of clarity and balance, in our own lives and in those of our clients, which come briefly now and again. However we get there, we suddenly encounter a feeling of inner plenitude and open heartedness to the world that wasn't there the moment before. The incessant nasty chatter inside our heads ceases, we have a sense of calm spaciousness, as if our minds and hearts and souls had expanded and brightened. Sometimes, these evanescent experiences come in a bright glow of peaceful certainty that everything in the universe is truly okay, and that includes us – you and me individually – in all our poor struggling, imperfect humanity. At other times, we may experience a wave of joyful connection with others that washes away irritation, distrust, and boredom. We feel that, for once, we truly are ourselves, our real selves, free of the inner cacophony that usually assaults us.
It turns out that the divine within – what the Christians call the soul or Christ Consciousness, Buddhists call Buddha Nature, the Hindus Atman, the Taoists Tao, the Sufis the Beloved, the Quakers the Inner Light – often doesn't take years of meditative practice to access because it exists in all of us, just below the surface of our extreme parts. Once they agree to separate from us, we suddenly have access to who we really are.
For much of my life, the closest I'd come to actually experiencing this kind of blissful oneness was on the basketball court. Over the years I'd become addicted to basketball because of the fleeting moments when I entered into a state in which my inner critics disappeared and my body seemed to know just what to do. I had total confidence in my abilities and experienced a sense of joy and awe at being spontaneously in the moment.
"I've discovered, after painful trial and much error at my clients' expense, that treating their symptoms and difficulties like varieties of emotional garbage to be eliminated from their systems simply doesn't work well. Often, the more I've joined clients in trying to get rid of their destructive rage and suicidal impulses, the more powerful and resistant these feelings have grown – though they've sometimes gone underground to surface at another time, in another way.
In contrast, these same destructive or shameful parts responded far more positively and became less troublesome, when I began treating them as if they had a life of their own, as if they were in effect, real personalities in themselves, with a point of view and a reason for acting as they did. Only when I could approach them in a spirit of humility and a friendly desire to understand them could I begin to understand why they were causing my clients so much trouble. I discovered that if I can help people approach their own worst, most hated feelings and desires with open minds and hearts, these retrograde emotions will be found not only to make sense and have a legitimate purpose in the person's psychological economy, but also, quite spontaneously, to become more benign."
I've seen this happen over and over again. As I help clients begin inner dialogues with the parts of themselves holding horrible, antisocial feelings and get to know why these internal selves express such fury or self-defeating violence, these parts calm down, grow softer, and even show that they also contain something of value. I've found, during this work, that there are no purely "bad" aspects of any person. Even the worst impulses and feelings – the urge to drink, the compulsion to cut oneself, the paranoid suspicions, the murderous fantasies – spring from parts of a person that themselves have a story to tell and the capacity to become something positive and helpful to the client's life. The point of therapy isn't to get rid of anything, but to help it transform.
As I discovered the nature of the extreme parts of my clients and increasingly was able to trust their healing Self, I became liberated. I no longer had to come up with the answers for people or wrestle with their impulses. It was like I'd been the engine of a powerboat straining to push therapy through dark storms and over big waves and then, suddenly, I could climb inside, put up a sail, and let a wise and gentle wind carry my clients and me to destinations I couldn't have predicted. At first, it was hard to give up the sense of control over what would happen and what goals would be achieved in sessions. But now I love the adventure of it all. It's easy to go with the flow when you really trust the flow.
Once that boulder of responsibility was lifted off my shoulders, I found that I could breathe again. Being able to drop my guard, as well as my inner diagnoses, strategies, pushers, and motivators, I could enjoy being the person I am. Ironically, clients enjoy me more, and resist me less when I'm in this way, too – sensing my authenticity and lack of agenda. Clients come to love the Self-to-Self connection they feel when I'm really present."
However being a therapist remains challenging ! because you deal with wounded people !!
What i find great is that the therapist has to use IFS as well !!!
"But it's hard to maintain that kind of presence. In addition to the parts that your clients trigger, your outside life has a way of doing that, too. The painstaking work of developmental researcher John Gottman has shown that it's the capacity to repair the inevitable ruptures with those we love that constitutes successful intimacy and relationship. The same is true in our relationship with our clients. Therapy is virtually never a lovely, unbroken pas de deux between therapist and client. More often it's a series of minor fender benders and close calls, punctuated by the occasional bad wreck. Clinical work progresses via ruptures – misunderstandings, confusion, subtle conflicts, power plays, and disappointments within and between client and therapist – which are then repaired. And it's through this process of rupture and repair that therapeutic advances are made.
But therapists sometimes forget that it isn't only the client who misunderstands and reacts. Those of us who use this therapeutic approach have an axiom: whenever there's a problem in the therapy a part is interfering, but you don't know whose it is. Sometimes it's a wayward angry, scared, or deluded aspect of the client that's been triggered. But it's equally likely that a protector of the therapist has taken over without his or her awareness, and that the client is reacting to the breach in their connection.
The Healing Self in Action
How can we, with all the intense provocations to which we're subjected day in and day out, keep ourselves firmly grounded and openhearted? To do this, we have to be able to tap into something at the core of our being.
I meet Marina, a sexual-abuse survivor, at the door for her regular session, and I know instantly that she's really furious with me. "You were completely spaced out with me during the last session – not present at all,"she hurls at me, before going into a tirade about how cruel I was to lure her into a vulnerable emotional state and then abandon her. "You're one heartless bastard!" she spits out in summation."
Being faced with an enraged woman, particularly one who's angry with me has always aroused a cacophony of alarm bells in my head and sent electric shocks through my body. At the moment, I nod sagely, trying to look calm and stalling for time, until I can breathe again and marshal a response. One inner voice instantly bursts forth with, "Well, abuse survivors always blame their therapists sooner or later. This is all just projection – you've finally become her perpetrator!" Another irate member of my internal family chimes in, "What an ingrate she is! You've cut your fee for her and see her at odd hours, and look how she treats you!" An inner hysteric begins shouting, "Oh, my God, she's a borderline who'll ruin your career! Danger! Danger!" Then my various inner critics weigh in with their take on the subject: "Well, she's probably right. You probably did zone out on her. Why can't you really be there for your clients? What kind of therapist are you, anyway? Maybe you should go into some other line of work."
Years ago, one of those parts would have taken over and I would have gone into heavy-duty defensive mode – minimizing her feelings, taking a condescending tone of clinical wisdom to subtly let her know that she must be mistaken. Or I might have apologized but not in a heartfelt way, which would just have fueled her rage. Or I might have become one of my inner critics and begun overzealous mea culpa, apologizing effusively, letting her know that what I did was unforgivable.
But now, I quickly quiet these inner parts, asking them to step back and just let me listen to what she's saying. Whereas before I'd feel spacey, out of control, as if various aspects of Dick Schwartz were being catapulted from one side of the room to the other, now I remain deeply and solidly in my body – literally, embodied. I suddenly feel myself spontaneously shifting out or that frozen place, relaxing, and opening myself up to her. And now I can sense the pain behind her words, so I don't have to meet the attack itself head on, or mollify it.
Instead, because I can see the little hurt child in there, I can talk to that child from my heart, convey my sincere regret for the pain she feels. "I can see something happened in the way I was with you last time that made you feel bad," I say. "I don't remember what happened, but I can see it felt very hurtful and I'm sorry. I know I do have a tendency to drift off occasionally, but I'll keep a closer eye on it and take it more seriously." She calms down immediately because she knows I'm not trying to correct her, placate her, change her mind, or get her to see things my way. The entire conversation shifts to another level, because she feels truly heard and seen. A repair is made and we have the opportunity to work with the parts that felt so angry and hurt by me.
I'm usually able to quickly calm those protectors of mine not just because this technique of asking them to step back is so effective, but also because I've done other work to get my inner parts to respond to my requests. I've become less affected by the rage of others because I've spent time holding and healing some of the young, vulnerable, childlike parts of myself that used to become so terrorized by people's angry eruptions. Since I'm less easily hurt, my inner defenders and critics have less to protect. I've also had lots of practice demonstrating to those protective parts how much better things go when they let me – mySelf – lead.
In training programs, we've devised an exercise in which one person role plays a client who provokes the therapist until a part takes over. Then the therapist finds and works with the part and asks it to let his or her Self stay present even in the face of the provocation. The more my inner family members have witnessed the power of my Self-leadership, in practice sessions and in everyday life, the more they've become willing to step back and trust me to deal with situations that they used to automatically take over.
In this process, I've tried to let my most disturbing clients become my best teachers. They're my tormentors – by tormenting they mentor me because they trigger key wounds and defenses that I need to heal. Also, they present ample opportunities for me to see what happens when I don't take the bait and, instead, remain Self-led. In this age of highly technical therapies, manualized methodologies, pharmaceutical propaganda, and, of course, the managed-caregenerated atmosphere of therapy-lite, it's hard to remember the healing potential of your openhearted presence. And yet, patiently being with clients from the deepest core of ourselves is the most important resource we have to offer. I've learned that if I fully trust the power of my Self, I can also trust the power of my client's Self. If I can show up with confidence, and compassion, and curiosity, my client, eventually, will show up, too, and we can spend much of our time together with a river of energy flowing between us. When that happens, we both heal.
Once you've attuned with your client, the session begins to flow, and there's an almost effortless quality to the work, as if something magical were unfolding almost by itself. I don't even think about what I'm going to say – the right words just come out, as if something were speaking through me. Afterward, I'm full of energy, as if I'd been meditating for an hour rather than doing hard, demanding, clinical work. In a sense, of course, I've been in a state of meditation – a state of deep mindfulness, full-bodied attention, centered awareness, and inner calm. And even after all these years, I still have the sense of being witness to something awe inspiring, as if the client and I both were connected to something beyond us, much bigger than we are.
Read below this is great, this is it !!!
Over the years of doing this work, it becomes easier to sense when some degree of Self is present in people and when it's not. To rephrase a joke, you get the impression that "the lights are on and someone is home." A person who is leading with the Self is easy to identify. Others describe such a person as open, confident, accepting -- as having presence. They feel immediately at ease in a Self-led person's company, as they sense that it is safe to relax and release their own Selves. Such a person often generates remarks such as, "I like him because I don't have to pretend -- I can be myself with him." From the person's eyes, voice, body language, and energy, people can tell they are with someone who is authentic, solid, and unpretentious. They are attracted by the Self-led person's lack of agenda or need for self-promotion, as well as his or her passion for life and commitment to service. Such a person doesn't need to be forced by moral or legal rules to do the right thing. He or she is naturally compassionate and motivated to improve the human condition in some way because of the awareness that we are all connected.
And this also deals with the dialectism between self/unity !!
Let's continue examining this presence we call the Self. To clarify this discussion, I find it useful to differentiate between what people report while meditating -- while being reabsorbed into the ocean -- and what people are like when their Self is actively leading their everyday lives. If meditation allows immersion into a seemingly Self-less oceanic state, then the Self is a separate wave of that ocean. It is that oceanic state which seems so difficult to describe. People report feeling as if they have no boundaries, are one with the universe, and lose their identity as a separate being. This is accompanied by a sense of spaciousness in body and mind, and can be an experience of great contentment, often with moments of bliss. They often feel a pulsating energy or warmth running through their bodies and may sense a kind of light in or around them.
People encounter different levels and stages as they deepen their meditative practice, which the different esoteric traditions have explored and charted. Here we are more concerned with what people are like when they bring some of that awareness, spaciousness, and energy to their daily tasks and relationships -- again, when they are a wave rather than the ocean. What qualities do they report and display when they live in the world yet hold the memory of who they really are? What are the characteristics of Self-leadership? I don't know the entire answer to that question. After twenty years of helping people toward that Self-leadership, I can describe what my clients exhibit as they have more of their Self present. As I sifted through various adjectives to capture my observations, I repeatedly came up with words that begin with the letter C. So, the eight Cs of self-leadership include: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.